Posts

Living, Learning, & Getting Over It?

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Trauma survivors often experience some form of post-traumatic growth- a psychological phenomenon in which trauma deepens life's meaning. After my first surgery I was at a constant tug of war with myself. I was teetering between post traumatic stress and post traumatic growth. I was stuck between being so angry at God, the universe, or myself, and allowing myself to feel the growth that was trying to take place inside of me. Over the past several months I've learned that you can't have growth without trauma. Trauma shatters everything you think you know and everything you think you believe about God, about people, and about yourself. 
The thing with trauma is that its unexpected. You're caught off guard. A suicide, cancer, a car crash, a shooting, a bombing, or a brain tumor. You really have no idea how it will affect you until you go through it. I had a woman the other day basically tell me that it was time to "get over it" when the topic of my surgeries came …

Expectations, Assumptions, & Rewind Buttons

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My 11 year old went to a sleepover recently, and while there, made some bad choices which in turn ended up really hurting his best friend's feelings. I only found out about the bad choices, after I got a call the next day from an angry parent telling me what my son did and demanding an apology. I was mortified. I taught my kid better; he knows better. He knows the difference between right and wrong and yet he chose wrong. Was it a selfish move on my son's part? Absolutely. Was it irresponsible? Yes. Was he punished appropriately? Yep, at least I think so. Why is it whenever a child of mine misbehaves or makes a bad choice, I wrongly surmise that I am a failure as a mom? Do any other mom's do this?  Is this what other mom's think of me? Do I really care what other mom's think of me? Or are my thoughts getting the best of me yet again because they are telling me to painfully pin on the badge of "Bad Mom" because my kid made a bad choice. 
From the moment you…

Dancing With Demons

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"I literally don't know why I'm anxious, I just am, and very few people understand that." Jennifer Nance 
I love the beach. I love staring out into the ocean and could sit there for hours on end. Yesterday, as I sat alone staring out into the ocean it struck me: I realized how truly calm I was. There were no butterflies and no tension. It was like the saltwater reunited me with the stillness that lies within; a stillness that I have a hard time finding most days.   

For as long as I can remember, I've shown little signs of anxiety. Looking back, I remember feeling nervous a lot as a child ~ especially when my parents fought. Day in and day out, I felt nervous. all.the.time. I never told anyone probably because it's the only feeling I knew so I assumed it was normal. As a teenager, anxiety began to change, like it was also going through puberty right along with me. It presented itself as a very "out of control and angry" feeling deep down inside of me. …

What A Bunch Of Nonsense!

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Behind the smile, a hidden knife!" Ancient Chinese proverb describing passive-aggressive behavior

During our lifetime, we meet all sorts of people. Not all of them end up being our friends, and that's more than okay. There is a quote that says, "Everyone you meet ishere to teach you a lesson". I'm not sure I agree with that or not, but it sounded good in my mind as I was stewing over the petty behavior of another woman and trying to rationalize a reason for her actions. There was a battle going on in my mind of wanting to retaliate and stoop to her passive aggressive level, or simply let it go. The mental battle raged on and off for weeks. After all, if someone's a jerk, it can make you feel justified in being a jerk as well.

We all have different values and principals, so when we encounter someone who we assume differs in terms of viewing life, there’s bound to be conflict~ and some are all too ready to express their disagreement, however passive aggressivel…

Life Changing Magic

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I just listened to Sarah Knight speak on her best selling book,The Magical Art of NotGiving  a F*ck.It basically takes the book, The Life Changing Method of Tidying Upin which you declutter your house of anything that doesn't bring you "joy", and instead she talks about decluttering your mind~ of giving up and walking away from anything you don't give a true f*ck about. I've tried the Tidying Up method of decluttering and minimalizing your house, and it does work, though temporarily until you look around and find that you've replaced whatever you got rid of. So I thought I would try Sarah's method of decluttering my mind.

She encourages you to give up objects, events, concepts, and people or relationships that don't bring you real joy. Her motto, is "Stop giving a f*ck about what other people think." When you stop doing so many things that annoy you and do not bring you joy, “your spirit will be lighter, your calendar will be clearer, and y…

13 Reasons

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 I just got done binge watching 13 Reasons Why on Netflix. I never read the book, though I wish I did after watching the show. My oldest is getting ready to go off to high school, so I thought maybe it would be a good learning opportunity for the both of us. There are a lot of adult themes throughout the movie that his almost 14 year old mind didn't need to see just yet, so I'm glad I watched first, and then pulled him into scenes that I felt he needed to see.

If you are not familiar with the show or book, 13 Reasons Why is a series on Netflix which follows Clay Jensen, a high school student whose crush commits suicide and leaves behind 13 cassette tapes, each side indicating a reason why she decided to take her own life. It covers many issues which affects teens nowadays such as rape, bullying, loneliness, drinking, drugs, and depression. It gives people a perspective on how people feel when they go through these events in their lives and shows how this can lead us to take dr…

The Greatest Lesson

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"Because telling your story—while being witnessed with loving attention by others who care—may be the most powerful medicine on earth. Each of us is a constantly unfolding narrative, a hero in a novel no one else can write. And yet so many of us leave our stories untold, our songs unsung—and when this happens, we wind up feeling lonely, listless, out of touch with our life’s purpose, plagued with a chronic sense that something is out of alignment. We may even wind up feeling unworthy, unloved, or sick." ~ Lissa Rankin, MD The anniversary of my mom's death is coming up. I think of her her every day, and talk to her out loud often~ all in the hopes she'll somehow hear me. The greatest life lesson my mom taught me, however, came after she died. It was the lesson of sharing my story, and allowing other people to share theirs. Her story is one very long chapter in my story, in my book of life. I can't tell my story without telling hers.  My mom's story was one of lo…