Okay, so maybe I don't do every picture you see up there on the right, but it sure feels like it on some days. I have tried to lose the 14 lbs. of weight that I've put on over the course of the past year, and have been unsuccessful. I started a new healthy eating program a few weeks ago. I started out on fire. I was motivated to exercise and eat right, and was ready to say to say ‘no thanks!’ to junk foods. Making healthy choices feels effortless, right? But then, you hit a rough patch. A sleepless night, a sick kid, a weekend getaway, and other unexpected challenges knocked me off track. Just.Like.That. My "mojo" to lose the weight lasted all of 2 weeks. Suddenly, everything I was doing right, has morphed into a hot, frustrating mess. My motivation is gone. Exercise seems inconvenient and I'm craving all of those foods I left behind. “Pizza sounds sooooo good right now! I can skip the workout for just today.” And all of the sudden you’re 3 slices in and feeling guilty. Like the failure I am at this, I keep asking myself, “Why can’t I stay motivated to lose weight?”
My latest venture: a personal trainer who literally shoved Beachbody and Shakeology down my throat at every workout. No.Thank.You. I was instantly unmotivated. (It doesn't take much to knock me off track, I guess). Truth is, I don't want to look like a body builder, or give up my wine or measure every piece of food that I eat (is that a carb?). Does that mean I'm destined to be 14lbs overweight forever? I just want to be healthy and 14lbs slimmer. I know that sounds self absorbed. Will I ever learn to love myself just the way I am? I wish. Most days I feel like I suck. I have tried sooo many things over the years: P90X, 21 Day Fix, The Every Other Day Diet, health shakes, gluten free food, yoga, pilates, running, walking, and most recently, the personal trainer. Every single time, the weight slowly creeps back on. I'm down 6lbs., up 5; down 3, up 4. Honestly it never ends. I feel like giving up, forever, but then I look at myself, see something I don't like, get motivated, and start all over again.
In meditation today, we learned that subconsciously, we may be blocking ourselves from attaining the goals we have set for ourselves by holding onto anything that is troubling you: both big and small. So today we practiced letting go of anything or any situation that seems to be blocking your mojo; any forthcoming event that may frighten you; any person that you are, in conflict with; any negative feelings associated with those things; whatever you think is holding you back: grudges, pain, worry, grief, conflicts, stress, guilt, vulnerability, whatever. If your subconscious holds onto something you think you let go, you may be sabotaging yourself and not realize it. Once you practice this meditation, your mindset is supposed to change, and your motivation and self love will follow. So, I'll practice, and practice, and practice, that is, unless I become unmotivated. Every day is a new day to start over. So today, I dragged my unmotivated fourteen pound overweight self outside for some yoga. It felt good. It always feels good. If only it was always this easy. So here's my unmotivated (14lb overweight) self showing some vulnerability (something else I'm working on). I'm also not posting this in the hopes that people will say, "you're not fat" blah blah blah. I never said I was fat, just 14lbs heavier than I was a year ago. So, what's blocking you?